Smother

from The New Gospel by Haunt

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lyrics

Had you hoped the cave collapsed? The age of hunting soon to end. The barricade of oak forgiven. A shredded note you’d never send. Gave yourself to wilderness. A house of quiet, a place to mend. Incantations. Muted colors. The minutes twist until they blend.

But it scares me. Terrified in passing. The well runs dry. Lovesick, but holding out on charity for the fortress lie. I’ve made plans to burn the boxes. Brittle pieces hidden up high. Sunflowers hemmed. Destroy the stems. A pathetic need. I fantasize.

No harbinger. No exit. Spoke of withering and the direction. Bittersweet. Shaking shelter. Vision is weak. Marathon desire. You left the jar empty. Just like me. I’m burnt out at both my ends. “Unconditional”.

Another January cold. Another birthday all alone. For years I’ve known no place that’s home. Spiral violet. Lucky roam. Tapping starts. The eyes abhor. Play my part. Writhe on the floor. A broken child that’s past restore. And yet it seems I’m failing. Once again I’m not containing. All the cycles keep me faking. Face cratered from the restraining. Ten pills to help me sleep at night. Another five ‘cause I’m not feeling right. The pictures in my head compile. Now forty pills on the bathroom tile, along with all the blood in my throat from puking what I eat to never grow. The side effects keeping me low. Losing my soul. Never have a lover. Never have a wife. Always lacking bravery to unsheathe the knife. I’m sinking. Beneath breathing. Agony and strife. Is this the year I end my life?

I just want it to stop.

credits

from The New Gospel, released October 28, 2014

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Haunt Baltimore, Maryland

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